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BAMBOO SHOOTS
Works of fiction and poetry by friends of Bamboo Ridge Press.

Marie KaufmanMARIE KAUFMAN

THIS IS A 100 WORDS CONTEST ENTRY

Morning Commute

Published by MARIE KAUFMAN | Thursday, July 29, 2010 4:49 AM


BR 100 Word Contest




She wears a braid of white low against her back. Outdated jeans ride too high. Her awkward gait is uncomfortable for me. Every day she traverses the highway with a different man, swarming dust of semis distorting their faces. This morning, she has already crossed when I see her squatting unladylike in the littered lot of the liquor store. Rising, she places a cigarette between her triumphant smirk and exhales. Today’s man, who has gone to peek behind the shop’s yellowing walls, gestures “Come.” Her grin falls as she disappears around back. When the light turns green, I move on.



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COMMENTS

4Him - Thursday, August 05, 2010 5:36 AM.


Very Bob Dylan-esque Marie. I see this being one of his songs...big compliment :o) I like the simple line of "Today's man" - it tells us so much!

-Megan
BetweenWatersUnseen - Sunday, August 01, 2010 9:33 PM.


",,, I see her squatting unladylike in the littered lot of the liquor store." The alliteration here is wonderful.
Johanna - Sunday, August 01, 2010 9:35 AM.


I really like the "swarming dust of semis distorting their faces." I think that's a great line! And I love the ending as well. Very subtle, yet powerful. Well done.
cmak15 - Thursday, July 29, 2010 9:41 AM.


I love the tense change at the end from third to first person and how the focus of the story shifts. In terms of particular words, I like "Her grin falls," and "Rising, she places..." Nice job.


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